Windswept blowing, raindrops falling
It seemed an endless tunnelThe infinite blackness drawing in
The slightest point of shining light
All around was nothing
In front, behind, to left and right
The black engulfed me, held me fast
Flickering glimmers came from far
Increasing, shining, suddenly gone
Swallowed up in the intensity of darkness
Mt feet rested on empty space
Supported by the density of absence
I tried to move but to no avail
Arms flailing in the thickest sea
Mouth open wide to shout, to scream
The soundless echo was engulfed
As total absence re-echoed about
From infinity it came and stretched
At eternity it had its end
The whole of being was absorbed
Life drawn away in the lifeless void
Pulsating silence broke my senses
Mind reeling in the total blank
My hands reached out to claw at nothing
I drew them back with nothing in my grasp
Suddenly the pulse whizzed past
An instant of light in the deepest dark
A momentary lapse in the maintained gloom
I watched it go with an aching heart
The imprint of the shining start
Etched firmly in my longing mind
Before it came the black was all I knew
Now it had been the darkenss had been changed
The depths had deepened, the dark increased
Even the void was lacking substance
How I yearned for the spark to come again
To lift my spirits with its purest light
To fill my weary mind again
With the substance of its insustantial dream
S
tanding on the ground
You came with your smile
Breaking into my world
Opening doors to which I'd thrown away the keys
You touched every part
Reaching into the depths
Taking as yours feelings which I'd never known I'd had
How can you leave me now?
Open and vulnerable
The doors flung wide and my innermost thoughts revealed
How can you just walk away?
Taking with you
The security of the wall you built around my exposed heart
I willingly gave a part of me
Exchanged it for a part of you
So that, as you go, you go in incompleteness
Taking with you the part of me
Leaving without the part of you
Two people joined forever
By that which remains within us
Something given, never taken
For when you pumbed the very depths of my soul
You did not know the depth to which we'd both be touched
Unaware I was of the thief who stole so softly in
Creeping in behind the softest words, the reassuring looks
Taken in so I gave out
And now you're gone
Leaving me also imcomplete
And forever we will remember
The smiles with which we stole each other's hearts
And there you were in shades of monochrome
A sight we'd hardly dared believe we'd see
Shifting shades of grey on a tiny screen
Love made flesh and there among us
Full of hope and truth
Breath caught. Hearts lifted.
On cautious beating wings
A small white dot danced with an infectious desire to be
Then faltered, hesitated, beat, flickered, came and went
And our own hearts cracked
Then shattered with the pain of your tiny struggle
Long days followed.
Each an endless year.
Mere moments crawled like a thousand hours
But hope, though tempered, refused to leave
Reslolutely barring the exit
To the fire in our hearts
And then the moment we dared to look again
When a million dreams tumbled
In an endless silent fall
And the beating silver wings that had dared to rise
Stuttered, slowed and fell still
As aching hearts told with a certainty
That fearful eyes could not convey
That your briefest moment of life had been
And gone
The fight too hard
The road too long. Too steep
One tiny moment shared
A lfietime of dreams exchanged in a single look
And hopeful hearts broke
Under the unbearable weight of certainty
That your tiny spark would never take the form of our dreams
Never be held
Nor truly known
A dream so long cherished
Of bringing this tiny silver spark to be
Instead we let it fly
Opening our fists and hearts
To watch you drift away
A dandelion seed
On the gentlest breeze
I watched the dappled sunlight
Playing through the pale brown trunks of the tall larch trees
As they strove to push their spiky canopies ever closer
To the clear blue of the late summer sky
And I felt the urge to take your hand
And share with you the magic of the moving light
I watched the pattern of the swifts
Moving in that same blue sky
Darting to and fro
As a myriad tiny flies led them in a merry dance
And my heart knew how your shining eyes
Would have danced to follow their dance
And my heart ached for times missed
And joys not shared
And my empty hand hung heavy at the end of my arm
The weight of a pendulum swinging forward, back, forward, back
In perfect time with lonely steps
Its rhythmic swing marking out
The slow passage of time until it could
Once again find its nobler purpose
To enfold your tiny hand
And raise itself to point with joy
At the countless treasures of a woodland walk
Two live terminals
Too much energy
Joined unexpectedly by a fine filament of powerful connections
Energy flows
Echoes resonate
The filament begins to glow
Current flows along the wire
Quantum packets of energy
The power of dreams, beliefs
Of experience and humour
The energy of music and of words,
Of laughs and trials shared
The silver wire glows brighter still
Light and warmth
Intense and captivating
Consuming, rejuvenating, energising
The purest light
The brightest light
A white and incandescent beam of life
And then an isolated surge
An intensity of flow too strong
A fragile channel
Glowing with intensity in a momentary vacuum
The tap of reality
On the glass bubble
The strand stretches, softens, yields
And breaks
Shining at its brightest just before it fails
And the light, so white, so true
So intense, so pure
Replaced by an all consuming absence
The blackness darker, deeper
And with unnerving permanance
Poorer than the dark that reigned
Before the richness the first gentle glow revealed
Why ask for the stars when you have the moon?
You could end up losing the moon
When I die I want to hold your hand
You said
And your earnest eyes looked up and searched mine
And implored me to say that it could be so
To promise that it would be so
And a salty drop formed unbidden in mine
And rolled slowly, silently, down my cheek
Dropping to lose itself in a million other drops
In the bath of water that held you, warmed you,
Yet failed to comfort you
And I ached to find the words to still your fears
To dry your tears and soothe your pain
But not to promise what I could not know
As I recalled the promises made to me
that time went on to prove could not be so
So I told you what my heart knew to be true
That my hand would hold yours tight
And I promised I would never let you go
Then with a perception beyond your tender years
You reached into my chest
And with your words tore out my aching heart
As you laid your small, wet hand on mine
And your little voice choked on your words
'But will it be like this? Will I feel your skin with my skin?'
And the oceans of pain in your deep brown eyes
Reflected the pain of the unknown in mine
As you touched my deepest fears with your own
The fear of loss
And the pain of separation
When those you love move on beyond your reach
And I heard my voice promising what I did not know
That wherever we may be
In time or in eternity
The love that is eternal
That was here before you came and that will remain when I am gone
Will be the endless thread that joins our hearts and hands
And that you will always feel my hand on yours
The touch of skin on skin
For my 'most precious thing' - my son
For whom I know a love the like of which I have never known before
And for whom I would give my all to protect
Only he has asked me questions that I cannot answer
The wings don't beat
Nothing but a gentle hum
confirms our motion
And the clouds that pass beaneath
Full and fluffy in their opacity
Seduce me with the belief
That they will hold me if I fall
And yet the wings stay still
While the ground moves by below
The winding rivers
The pointing mountains
Pure and spotless in their coat of freshest snow
And little boxes, so many boxes,
All too small to see
And the screen in front that flickers and updates
To reassure with silent confirmation
That as each minute passes with the clouds
The distance bewtween us lessens
But still there is no motion in the wings
of this giant silver bird
The bird that flies me home to you
